The Diary of a Dieter

Once upon a time, she woke up feeling her usual energy-less self; she looked in the mirror and decided that she didn’t like what she saw or how she felt. The toll of life had set in: the job, the kids and the house had left her feeling overwrought and society’s judgement hung round her like a noose. Her once neat, compact little body had the battle scars of decades long trauma, bleeding the wounds of time poverty, childbirth, hormonal woes and yo-yo dieting.  The little black dress that she starved herself to get into last Christmas stared her down from the wardrobe, mocking her for letting it go again. She didn’t need anyone to body shame her, she could do that all by herself.  

Drastic measures to shift the unwanted pounds so that she could feel valuable again. She had done it before, she could do it again.  Yes, it would be miserable; yes, she would become unbearable to live with; yes, her mental health would take a hit and yes, her hormones would likely become a little out of whack, but it wouldn’t be forever- she could deal with all that afterwards.  She would drop the weight and like her reflection again, and that’s what mattered. 

She was no stranger to dieting. You might even say she was an expert in the art of deprivation.  Hell, she’d been on some form of diet for the past 30 years, so not much would change really, but she knew she would have to hit it harder than usual.  She reminisced back to her twenties when not eating for a day would see her back in her skinny jeans and leave her feeling snatched, but she knew it would be harder now.  It is harder now. Now, it would take weeks, if not months and she didn’t know why.  Perhaps it was just one more of life’s cruel jokes synonymous with just looking at a glass of wine and putting half a stone on. Stupid, delicious liquid cake that seemed to be the only thing that allowed her a moment of reprieve, a moment of escapism, a moment of happiness. She knew she would have to ditch her “moment” if she wanted to feel worthy again. God, I hope my daughter never feels like this, she pondered.  

She would feed the kids, ignore her pangs of hunger and survive the day on fresh air. She knew she had options if the hunger became too much… the juice diet had worked a charm for her the last time she had to drop a stone so she could have a nice holiday and she always had the low calorie, low fat freezer meals that, granted, had made her feel like crap but had helped her shift the stone she had put back on after the holiday.  Perhaps there would be one lurking at the back of the freezer she could take to work? 

She told her daughter she was beautiful, important and brilliant and sent her on her way to school, praying that her self worth would remain intact. She headed into the office, dragging her own damaged sense of self behind her, hoping that her son would never judge a woman the way she judged herself. 

She watched her colleague gorging on an avocado, egg and nut salad followed by some full fat yoghurt sprinkled with dark chocolate and wondered how in the hell she could eat all those fatty foods and look the way she did. She knew avocados were good for you, but she couldn’t eat them, they were just too calorific.  Some people are just lucky, she guessed, as the office biscuit tin stared her down with all its sugary might.  As she sipped on her carrot and celery juice, she knew she would be starving soon, but it was okay, her willpower was strong and her desire to feel like her old self was too important to fall at the first hurdle.  She just needed to get into her stride, that was all. 

5pm and the end of the day rolled in and her stomach felt like it was eating itself.  It was a familiar feeling that she didn’t mind - her starvation was working, but the headache and misery she felt was not so much a welcomed sensation. She hadn’t been able to concentrate all day and worried that her boss had noticed how distracted she was, how lethargic and unproductive she had been. It would be worth it, she reminded herself. 

Feeling a little overwhelmed and worried she might pass out in the heat of the pool, she wondered if the local petrol station might have something healthy she could snack on to keep her going until her next liquid meal. 

She had the best of intentions, but her brain and gut had different ideas when she eyed the options. She wanted something she couldn’t put her finger on. She was hungry and in that moment under the fluorescent petrol station lights she told herself that a little sandwich wouldn’t hurt, the carbs would provide her with that little bit of energy she so desperately needed. Two juices and a sandwich would probably keep her under 1000 calories for the day, wouldn’t it?  If she didn’t eat something small, she knew she would never get to that online workout she had promised to do after the kids were in bed. It’s just a sandwich, she told herself and she would avoid her usual crisp accompaniment, instead opting for a protein bar made with oats.  Oats are good for you and they will keep me full until dinner, she thought. 

Surviving the onslaught of the swimming lesson and feeling, what she would come to realise, temporarily satiated, the guilt crept in.  ‘Why did I eat that sandwich?’ She punished herself.  Berating herself all the way home and beginning to feel the unwanted pangs of hunger again, she felt like a failure but she couldn’t shift her mind away from the freezer and the calorie restricted meal that lurked in its icy depths. Two juices, a small sandwich, an oat protein bar and a low fat ready meal was better than what she would normally eat - granted, it wasn’t her intention to eat at all today, feeling confident that she could get through it purely on the juice of fruit and veg, but she had to function for her children and the headache and low mood had really set in now. The microwave dinged and her hunger hormones made her salivate. It was 7pm and this low calorie pasta bake would surely see her right until tomorrow. It was only 3 sins, so she was well within her daily limits. 

 She wanted to pull on her leggings and bash out a 30 minute HIIT workout on YouTube, but the exhaustion that flooded her blood was just too powerful for her to fight.  Instead, she opted to get in her PJ’s and jump online to restart her diet food subscription.  Get organised, she told herself. That would make her feel better and ensure that she didn’t find herself back at the petrol station hunting for snacks to fill the miserable void she experienced today. She loaded her online cart and was hit with a wave of temptation. The kitchen was calling and her stomach was groaning.  FFS, she internally cried! 

Where is my self control? She wailed…

• You are beautiful no matter what size you are - if you’re healthy, that’s all that matters
• You are worthy of respect and admiration regardless of your knicker size
• You don’t need to be a size zero to be healthy
• Bullshit beauty standards are a farce 
• As you age, you need to feed your body what it needs to function and depriving it of fat will only make you miserable and unable to “superwoman!”  
• As women, we have a responsibility to change the narrative for other women - that should be the ONLY girl code
• Your version of a happy you is the only thing that matters - stop comparing yourself
• WillPowders stands for optimum cognitive function and mental clarity, hormonal harmony, reclaiming lost energy and restoring gut health - weight loss is just a happy symptom of taking control

If you have spent your day feeding your body low fat, low calorie diet fare, you are never going to feel satiated. The constant hunt for snacks and satisfaction will linger permanently at the forefront of your mind. You’ll spend your days waiting for your next meal, which will likely fill you up temporarily, but that feeling of full will be a fleeting sense of satisfaction.  

Why? Manufacturers and diet food companies have to compensate for the loss in flavour when they strip the fat out of what was once real food and they do this by replacing good for you fats with artificial sweeteners and sugar. This makes their low fat ‘weight loss’ food higher in carbs and a lot less like the food your body wants and needs.  By now, we all know that high carb diets result in sugar spikes, followed by sugar crashes, followed by snack seeking and some seriously catastrophic consequences for our physiology and mental health. 

But it’s not all sugar crashes and snack seeking that you have to worry about!  When we drastically reduce our fat intake, several issues can arise:

• Nutrient Deficiencies: Low-fat diets can lead to deficiencies in fat-soluble vitamins, which are essential for various bodily functions.
• Hormonal Imbalances: Insufficient fat intake can disrupt hormone production, potentially leading to issues like irregular menstrual cycles in women, or making us feel like they’re losing the plot.
• Mental Health Impacts: Fats are crucial for brain health. A lack of healthy fats can affect mood and cognitive function.

Not only are you in danger of living a life of constantly fighting off the snack attacks, you’re playing a very dangerous game with your metabolism. Now you may be under the impression that as you age, your metabolism slows which is why you are struggling to shift those pesky pounds that have crept on over the past couple of years, and whilst this may be true, you are wrong in thinking that you can’t do anything about it. 

Maintaining a healthy metabolic rate is vital because it influences how efficiently your body burns fat and manages energy. Taking care of your body’s metabolism is the most effective way to manage weight, hormone imbalances, energy levels and your overall health.  

As we age, several factors typically affect metabolic rate:

• Muscle mass generally decreases with age, and since muscle tissue burns more calories than fat, this decline can reduce metabolic rate and interfere with how you utilise the energy you're putting in. Luckily, there are ways to slow muscle degeneration down, but it requires a little know how… engaging in strength training or body weighted exercises 2 - 4 times a week is probably the solution that requires a little effort, but it couldn’t be more important if you want to take control of your metabolism and prevent later life muscle waste, which is ultimately going to stop you in your tracks. Increasing your protein and good fat intake is crucial to take care of waning muscles as well.  You can do this through your diet, but if you live in constant fear of the petrol station, WillPowders Protein Powder and our MCT range are perfect for when you’re on the go and at those time poor moments or when you find yourself in a Fuck It moment.
• Not consuming enough calories can lead to muscle meltdown, so increasing your good fats, which will not only support your energy levels, cognitive function, hormone balance and keep you satiated, but your muscle mass is too. Someone with a higher muscle mass will burn more calories (energy) than someone who has a higher percentage of fat. Basically, your muscles should become your priority. 
• Your metabolic rate can also be affected by changes in hormone levels, such as decreased levels of growth and thyroid hormones. Consciously trying to eliminate toxins can be tricky, but this is one way you can support your thyroid.  At WillPowders, we believe that eating as close to nature is key and why we advocate for an Ultra Processed Free diet as well as counting chemicals, not calories, which is why you won’t find any nasties in our products.  Ensuring your body is getting enough selenium, zinc, vitamin D and iodine is also critical.
• Eating fewer nutrient dense calories means your body uses less energy to digest and process food, resulting in it keeping hold of the calories it’s been given. It’s like your digestive system taking a break. This break may result in it shifting to energy saver mode - the mode where it keeps hold of fat rather than using it to keep you going.